"Macho Man" Randy Savage - My Fake Diary

Monday, 21 December 2009

Oooh Yeah. Colder than a witches exposed knee cap out here in the crisp Minnesota air. Decided to visit my old buddy and former Governor Jesse Ventura. I had a little trouble finding his place, but once I pulled F-350 Deisel with the oversized tires on top of a couple of Hondas, I find his address just fine.

The name on his gate said "Big Dog", which I had a problem with, so I pulled up to the house, tightened the knot on my yellow bandana, pumped a few curls with the free weights I have in the back of the truck, and rang the bell.

He knew a smack down was coming, so he tried to nail me with a flying knee as I walked in, but I caught him with a steel chair upside the head, ooooh yeah. I always carry four things on me whereever I go. My wallet, bandana, condoms and a steel folding chair.

It was a glorius bout. Ventura had me pinned at least 9 times but on the third slap of the mat, I was always able to raise a shoulder. It was a pro match for sure, oooh yeah. By the twelfth minute, I had him in a figure four about ready to dislocate a couple of joints when he tapped out. "Who's the Big Dog NOW!" I yelled.

After exchanging all other pleasantries and courtesies, we settled into a nice lunch with caviar, egg salag with dill, and some Sushi with homemade soy. The lunch began to sound a little too pansy assed, so we blended our low fat frappe's with a little broken glass just to toughen up, oooh yeah.

The doctor says we'll both be back home after our bowel resections.