Kim Jong-un - My Fake Diary

Monday, 1 July 2013

"I weary much vant to one-uppity my dear old daddy somehow. I know he once gorrrfed a game and scored a horrre-in-one on each of the 18 horrrres. Arrrr of North Korea jubi-rated. Daddy make Tiger Wood rooks rike a pussy cat. My Daddy, he terrr me he hate the game and I don't think he ever prayed it again.

I weary much thinks about this prossobriritty: Vonder ifs I kin pray a game of gorrf and somehow get that barrrrrrr to rand a hole in one on each horrrrrrrrr. On a couple horres, I can rand a horre in one, the barrrrr can ricochets once or twice and fry from horrre, then I hit two horrres with me own-reee hiitting barrrr once. Instead of a score of 18 for 18 holes, maybe skin it down to 15 or 16. Maybe 11 if rucky. I know everyone in North Korea will berrrieve this feat. If they don't, I butcher them myself or have them sraghtered by my army.

I weary much vonder if it's scientifically possibral ifs a human bean kin make two-horrres-in-one with one hit. I think I prossibry use a putter and a tee. Maybe I call good friend Dennis Rodman. He was NBA star and probabry a friend of Tiger Wood, too. Maybe they talk. Get back to me on my cerrrrrrrr phone.

Arso, I must call a cabinet meeting at once! And I'rrrr include some scientists from some of my country's fine uni-wersities, too."