Jesus - My Fake Diary

Friday, 19 March 2010

Dear Diary (Dad), I'm getting really pissed off now. There's a fella called Ronald Weinland saying he is one of your prophets and he's even saying his wife's one too. Lying sod! I know he's been around for a while and has been making loads of money writing about us, but, he's now saying I'm going to be going back to make a second appearance on earth in 2012.

Now dad, don't get me wrong, I don't mind going back BUT only if you get me some tickets for the Summer Olympics. And I certainly don't want to go back on the day he has predicted because then he'll get more followers mortgaging their houses and giving him all their money so that he can continue to live the lifestyle he's made for himself using their hard earned cash.

Sorry about that long sentence dad, but I was getting right riled up.

One thing's for sure, if and when I do go back to make an appearance, I'll tell you this for nowt, if any Red Scarf Subo fanatics come within 3 metres of me I'll be working another bloody miracle, since you've not yet agreed to send down a plague to wipe them all out. I've decided that if they DO get close to me I am going to perform a miracle and turn their stupid bloody red scarves into boa constrictors (excuse the spelling dad). Anyway, the boa's will choke the living daylights out of them.

Erm! Just kidding there dad. I wouldn't really do it. Honest! It's just a harmless fantasy of mine.

Thanks for listening dad. I'm popping down the pub with Gabriel for a swift half and a game of darts. Talk later.

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