Jesus - My Fake Diary
Saturday, 6 March 2010
Dear Diary, God (DAD), when are you going to give me a break? I died for them on the bloody cross and, let me tell you, it hurt like hell. Now some of those 'sods' are giving me and you a 'hell' of a bad name.
I am sick and tired of all those bloody crazy American Happy Clappies running around taking MY name in vain and YOURS too. Throwing Blessings around willy nilly with ne'er a thought to OUR feelings. Anyway, most of the bloody blessings get thrown back at them so it's a bloody waste when most of my 'flock' are trying to conserve 'stuff' in an attempt to save the planet and the bleeding universe.
DAD, this is NOT what I signed up for. I love Blackburn and all the people who reside therein. Susan Boyle is singing our praises (well YOURS, she hasn't got around to ME yet)and other stuff on her first album which is selling millions. Why can't you send down a plague or something, to rid the world of these crazed red-scarved fanatics? You COULD turn them into atheists and make them wear purple. (I know some of the 'purple gang' are Christians, so I apologize, in YOUR name, to them DAD, but I am so mad at the moment. I am sure they will forgive me as I forgive all their trespasses against us. Amen)
DAD,we DO want to make the world a better place don't we? Then let's begin by getting rid of those bloody Red Scarf-toting lunatics PLEASE.
What the hell did I do to deserve this? I did as I was told for 33 bloody years. I performed many miracles but this madness is beyond me. I need YOUR help.
DAD you MUST attend to this matter immediately because even the ATHEISTS are beginning to feel sorry for us.
By the way, I know you read my diary because you are ALL KNOWING and ALL SNOOPING.
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