HRH Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh - My Fake Diary

Friday, 29 April 2011

Dear Diary,
Finally the big day has arrived - no not my 90th birthday that's in June! I'm glad that William will be out of the way and hope that the media will pay more attention to us old folks!

I had to get up jolly early this morning; 5-30 to be precise and I had my usual two boiled eggs with soldiers - this time it was the Cold Stream Guards (which I reserve for special occasions such as today). I slipped out of my tartan bathrobe and put on my ceremonial gear. I was ready by 8-00 but had to wait for my darling Elizabeth - she said she would only be five minutes, but after sixty years of marriage, I have learned that five minutes will be sixty minutes.
By 9-00 everyone else was waiting for us, by the time we got into the car, there wasn't much time for me to have my usual forty winks because Elizabeth bless her heart was giving me a lecture on not opening my mouth and insulting people. It was a bit claustrophobic because I've never seen so many people crowd the Mall. Funny, I didn't see any Muslims - I was led to believe that old Blighty was overrun with them - not a Burka in sight!

It wasn't long before we got to Westminster Abbey to meet the bloke who looks like a goat - Rowan Atkinso.. Williams. I hate these occasions because the cameras are on you all the time and me and Elizabeth just want a bit of a snooze.