George W. Bush - My Fake Diary

Wednesday, 17 March 2004

YEEEEEEEEHAAAAWWWWWW! Howdy there pardners, it's been one heckuva rip roarin' St. Peter's Day. Who sez you hafta be a mick to whoop it up on Saint Peddy's Day?

A'course, we all know I don't drink anymore now that I found Jesus (wink wink nudge nudge). Of course, no one said I couldn't dye my blow green...heheeheh. Honestly, I haven't been this coked up since that celebration I had with them two guys, you know that Antonio Scalia and Clarence Clemons about 36 days after the last elections. That Clarence, always a joker, puttin' fake pubic hairs in the pile of coke. I personally didn't get it until someone explained it to me...seems I thought it was funny, but I forget why.

Anyway, after I split an 8-ball with my good buddy Kenny Lay, we went out and beat ourselves up a coupla queers. We had no choice...they were messin' with Texas...heehehehhaehe..snort.

So we're ..asuouiahjha,ad;lkjdasfnasdl

Excuse me, just choked on a pretzel there, I seem to be alright now.

So as I was sayin', after protectin' the sanity of marraige and all, I figured I should get some work done, so I pored over some library records I got from Johnny Ashcroft and made a list of people I figured we'd send on out to Gitmo for a couple years...let's see them get their hands on a Michael Moore book there!

Finally, I think I hit on the best idea of my politcal life (I always did do my best thinkin' when I was shitfaced). I decided to institutionalize a tax on going out of your house or apartment if it's under 4000 square feet...that'll keep all the poor people indoors where they can't cause any trouble, and it'll zap them middle class folks down quicker so we can start phase II, but I've said too much already.

Can't really implement that until after I win the election anyway. It's gonna be great. When I win by 70 to 30%, them stinkin' Democrats is gonna know it was rigged, but as soon as they squeal about it, I'm gonna invoke part of the Patriot Act II which we'll get snuck in at the last minute just before Congress passes it in late October...it's going to have a clause that makes it a terrorist act to accuse a sitting President of vote tampering, and then I can reclass all the registered Democrats as terrorist, then no one will stand in my way ever agin. Bwooowaaahhahaaahahha.


Previous Dates Next Dates

« Full list of Spoof Celebrity Diaries

Send to a friend

Tell your friends about The Spoof!

Go to top
47 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more