David Cameron - My Fake Diary

Friday, 2 March 2012

I see the press are talking about MPs expenses again.

Well I have nothing to worry about. Okay, so I faced an internal inquiry into claims I'd "maxed out" my second home expenses. I took out a £350,000 taxpayer-funded mortgage and then paid off a £75,000 loan soon afterwards.

Yes, I claimed £680 expenses for the removal of wisteria from my constituency home, the vines had blocked my chimney.

I admit I charged taxpayers for sandwiches, chocolate bars and taxis for my staff, and put the cost of sweet treats including Maltesers, a Mint Aero, a Galaxy and a Caramel bar on my Commons expenses.

But that was in 2009.