Colonel Muammar Gaddafi - My Fake Diary

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Oscar Night,2011

Trampoline.

Dearest President Bush,

I have never written a diary before but my daughter gave me the Diaries of Ann Frank to read a few days ago and that gave me some ideas for a series of diaries. Of course, I cannot write, '

Dear Kitty' at the top of each daily entry. It has already been done and I don't have a cat anyway. So, I will address it to Bush Junior and then later forward the diaries to Julian Assange and than maybe he can leak them-the correct stuff, not the usual stuff he always accidentally leaks.

Many thanks for your offer of sanctuary at your ranch in Crawford Texas.I was really worried that you hated me after you left me off the axis of evil list back in 2003.

I am actually in Venuzuela at the moment killing time with our mate Hugo. The double who is playing me back in Tripoli deserves an Oscar tonight. Totally crazy was how I asked him to play me and he is doing a great job. I just hope that the power trip does not go completely to his head and that my body guards recognise the real me when I return. Michael Jackson stood in for me once and that accounts for the recent photographs of me in a black uniform. And then his lookalike overdosed on painkillers, the silly idiot. The real Michael Jackson does private concerts for jailed Russian oligarchs and loves the anonymity of singing at the occasional Super Bowl.

That's always the trouble with body doubles.Just ask Kim Jong Il in North Korea. He has eight lookalikes and even he doesn't know who the dear leader is. Only his wife really knows and that was only after she insisted on trying out the other seven. Her favourite was number 6-now deceased- and that was only after all of them yelled, 'I am Kim!,I am KIm! I am Kim!,' after climaxing at the end of the night.
I am quite worried about our Lockerbie bomber. Oil for terminal cancer was the gist of the deal that we made with that fat jolly man who pretends to run Scotland.He -the Lockherbie Bomber-just doesn't want to die and no matter how many virgins Osama promises him in the afterlife, he just doesn't want to box(?) the bucket as they say in England. I know that he will not get the full 70 virgins because most of them are serving on my Praetorian guard and the rest have been optioned out to Al Qaeda. Do you know where I can get some polonium?
When you are next in Venuzuela, give me and Hugo a call. We are planning a big night out in Havana with Raul and Fidel and we need a teetotal person to drive us home.

Thanks for the recent DVds you sent by diplomatic bag.Peppa Pig Peppa Pig Peppa Pig Peppa!!!

Yet I am not sure about the video game called Postal that you sent me last week. I killed everyone with urine and cowheads just like you advised me to do. And I did not even use cheat codes which is highly unusual for me. It's the ending that bothers me. Getting blown away by your wife in your trailer home-what kind of an ending is that? I am pretty sure that my wives love me, but you never know. Are you sending me a message? Personally I prefer Beyond Call of Duty and

Happy Tree Friends if truth be told.

All the best,

Muhammar Mullah Omargod Guddayfi