Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Topics: Newt Gingrich

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Newt Gingrich was the first to speak last night at the GOP debate in South Carolina. Before taking his place at the podium he strode to the front of the stage and "gave the finger" to the moderators! Then he turned to the press corps, dropped his pants and mooned them! The Tea Party crowd went wild with applause.

Gingrich began: "I was mean and nasty before mean and nasty was cool! I was mean and nasty before any of the folks here on this stage ever took a stand on anything. I was picking the wings off flies and shooting neighborhood family pets from a low flying Cessna when these folks were still tearing up over baby seal clubbing!" The crowd roared its approval!

Gingrich continued: "And I was the first one at my college to start an annual midget toss, and I can tell you that was a hoot! And when I become president I will introduce legislation to make one day a year, Make fun of a cripple day! "The crowd shouted, "Cripples can be fun!"

Gingrich: "Let me say this, when I become president, If you're brown don't come to town!"

"Yes!," shouted the crowd.

Gingrich: "If you're tan, stay in the van!"

"Yes!," yelled the crowd.

Gingrich: "And if you're black, just stay back!"

"Stay back!," shouted the crowd.

Gingrich: "And if you're red you might as well be dead!"

"Dead!," shouted the crowd.

Gingrich: "And in regard to torture: I will waterboard the Little Sisters of the Poor and Santa Claus if I think they are un-American!" The crowd exploded with applause!

At this point the other candidates on the stage clapped, with the exception of Mitt Romney who was busily taking notes and Herman Cain who was chatting up an attractive blond female in the front row.

Gingrich held up his hands for silence and looked straight at the audience. He concluded, "And just one more thing. His voice grew solemn, and he said softly, "Give hate a chance."

The Tea Party audience roared its approval and chanted, "Give hate a chance! Give hate a chance!" As the chant went on, several dozen people in the crowd wanting to be as one with Newt, put their fingers down their throats and projectile vomited! In an instant, hundreds were doing the same as the moderator and the journalists fled the scene. Fox News immediately ceased the broadcast and substituted a pre-recorded program of the Pepperdine College Whites Only Glee club singing "This land is your land, this land is my land."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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