Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: Newt Gingrich

Sunday, 19 June 2011

image for Gingrich's Breakfast At Tiffany's
"I'm your man."

Clutching a jam filled croissant in each fist, trice married presidential contender Newt Gingrich was spotted early in the morning standing in front of a window at Tiffany's, wearing black sunglasses and humming Moon River. He was savoring both the croissant as well as the display of diamond jewelry in the window.

"I'm crossing you in style, one day," he nodded.

The river he's planning to cross is the Potomac, and into the White House as president of the United States. However, since being dumped by his campaign staff, (a real dream making heart breaker) the White House appears to be drifting further away, but Tiffany's window display was a positive distraction, keeping his future plans revved up.

With a half million dollar credit line at Tiffany's, the presidential hopeful tried to dismiss journalist Bob Schieffer's questions by saying, "Go ask Tiffany's."

Gingrich insisted he was there to talk about fiscal responsibility, and bread and butter issues. Schieffer would not be dismissed and remained flabbergasted. "But a quarter of a million charge at Tiffany's! What did you get?"

Nancy Reagan paid about that much when she bought a complete set of china for the White House. Those dishes certainly could hold some bread and butter.

Yum. yum, yum, Gingrich popped another croissant into his mouth making Democrat Stew.

"Wherever you're going, I'm going your way..."

It's reported Tiffany's doorman was seen talking into his wrist, "He's here again, singing to the jewelry in the windows... The same song."

"Two drifters off to see the world..."

Newscaster Chris Matthews, a self-confessed movie buff, insists that Gingrich is the devil. But, he points out, the devil probably really looks like Marilyn Monroe. This observation can make a Tiffany Stew: Truman Capote, author of Breakfast At Tiffany's, wanted Marilyn Monroe in the role of Holly Golightly instead of Audrey Hepburn. Maybe Marilyn was the devil?

It's reported Gingrich became indignant when the doorman asked him to move along. He yanked a croissant from his hip pocket, moving to the next window.

"We're after the same rainbow's end, my huckleberry friend..."

Yum, yum, yum.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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