MICHAEL Caine has thrown "Big" Sam Allardyce off a multi-storey carpark in Newcastle to confirm the end of the former-Bolton boss's tenure at St James's Park.
WASHINGTON DC: Leaked tapes reveal that President George W Bush believes bombing is the best way forward for the Iranian people.
WHITE HOUSE staff are rumoured to be working around the clock on the presidential brain after George W. Bush announced he had shared his thoughts with visiting UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown.
TONY Blair may be about to encounter one of the most troubled political scenes in the world as Quartet peace envoy to the Middle East, but he's none too welcome back in Downing Street if reports from the start of the Brown years are to be believed.
BRITISH children are now such foul mouthed f*****g animals the Government is to spend 14 million f*****g pounds on drilling some manners into the little sh*ts. The announcement of classes in behaviour and social education caused a storm when it h...
WASHINGTON DC: President George W Bush has, it seems, embraced the messages of the green movement and now plans to trump them by offsetting his evil.
GORDON Brown may carry through sweeping reform of Britain's confused constitutional situation by taking the prudent option and outsourcing the monarchy.
SHEFFIELD United will be promoted from their current Championship status, West Ham United will lose their Premiership place too as FA bosses cast them both into mid-division limbo. The Blades, who were ejected from the top flight on the last day...
The eighteenth instalment of JK Rowling's Harry Potter series will shock it's young fans critics are warning. Harry Potter and the Elixir of Rave will show teen heart-throb Daniel Radcliffe's character 'up to his pimply neck in high quality drugs...
GEOFFREY Boycott, the Yorkshire and England opening batsmen and cricket commentator is recovering in hospital after his ire came close to exploding during the recent test series between England and West Indies. Yorkshire-born Boycott was reported...
ENGLAND will take to the field against West Indies on Friday with Michael Vaughan at the helm - in full body scaffold and iron lung.
MENTALLY troubled Premiership ace Frank 'Lamps' Lampard has quit Barcelona just days after revealing he couldn't play alongside himself at Chelsea any more. Lampard set off for the Camp Nou hoping that the absence of himself from the line-up at th...
The curiosity of a child could mean that hundreds of years of religious intolerance and conflict are back on in Northern Ireland after a brief interlude of peace.
FRANK 'Lamps' Lampard threw a wet and unpleasantly musty smelling blanket over Chelsea fans celebrations at their historic FA Cup win at the new Wembley Stadium.
EVER speedy to react to events, Spadge Dooley has compiled this short, and completely sexed-up dossier on so-called Champions League semi-finalists Liverpool and Chelsea.
GRANDMOTHER of five, Dorothea Wilberton, has sparked a legal controversy after a judge directed a jury to acquit the 76-year-old of drugs charges after accepting her argument that crack cocaine was 'like a tonic' to her.
THE Ministry of Defence and Buckingham Palace press offices are filled with red-faced, wheezing, heart-attacks-waiting-to-happen after the truth about the posting to Iraq of up-and-at-em Royal bullet magnet Prince Harry was revealed this week.
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