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Friday, 6 July 2007

image for £14 million social eduction programme: "Behave you little f****rs!"
Don't touch me you little turds!

BRITISH children are now such foul mouthed f*****g animals the Government is to spend 14 million f*****g pounds on drilling some manners into the little sh*ts.

The announcement of classes in behaviour and social education caused a storm when it hit the wires this morning.

Michael Goave, Conservative education spokesman, was first into the angry box.

"It's f*****g shocking," the well-spoken former journalist said.

"If f*****g parents can't be f****d to get their little b*****ds into decent shape before they're let loose on schools, well, I for one will be f****d if my tax payer's money is going to be wasted on the little w*****s - f**k-em," he added.

Teachers have reported increasing levels of misbehaviour, bad language, even violence and the staging on in-school coups, revolutions and putsches by evil little monsters armed with porned up mobile phones and the vocabulary of a particularly filthy dock worker after 17 pints.

Teachers leader Barry "The NUT" Basildown said: "It's not f*****g money that's f*****g needed believe you me.

"Those days are long gone and anyone who thinks 14 f*****g million f*****g quid is going to change anything they're p*****g up the wrong rope motherf****r."

He added: "What's needed now is highly targeted saturation air strikes followed up with heavily armoured ground troops operating on a shoot to kill, no prisoners taken mandate - hearts and f*****g minds?! These little c**ts have neither.

"Honestly, some London comprehensives make Baghdad look like a walk in the c**ting park," he concluded from his bombproof shock bunker at the Mother Theresa Roman Catholic Infants School, Ponders End.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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