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Thursday, 3 May 2007

image for Harry's Iraq outburst: "F*** 'em I'm Orf!"
You okay in there Harry?

THE Ministry of Defence and Buckingham Palace press offices are filled with red-faced, wheezing, heart-attacks-waiting-to-happen after the truth about the posting to Iraq of up-and-at-em Royal bullet magnet Prince Harry was revealed this week.

Paparazzi, so often the guardians of our public morals, have revealed the details of exchanges outside the exclusive Million Pound Note night spot in Pimlico's fashionable Mayfair district of London.

Members of the press pack say that third in line to the throne Harry engaged them in witty badinage and banter on emerging from the currency themed club in the early hours of Friday morning.

"He'd had a few," chuckled grizzled snapper Portly Boggins yesterday, breaking minutes of silence on the issue.

"But that's Harry, he's not like Will, he's a bit of a jack the lad, I think that's why the public love him so much," he added.

Accompanied as ever by piece of Royal stuff, Brentford "His Gran'll never let him" Minkstole, a lubricated Harry quoted extensively from Los Angeleno angry-core shouters The Rage Against The Machine Experience.

"F*** you, I won't do what you tell me," the angry royal screamed according to Boggins, before explaining his views to onlookers.

"He said he was going whether they liked it or not," Boggins said.

"He said: 'I can walk into any army base in this country and get tooled up big styley bwoy, I don't need no war chit from the house master, I'm taking my guns and going, it's gonna be f***ing carnage city when me and the lads get there'."

Surrounded by friends from many well known families in the upper echelons of the British aristocracy - an air of being not quite right in a somehow indefinable way confirming their blue blood - Harry dashed back into the club with a select few to return garbed as members of fictional wrong-righters The A Team, blue daubed Highland Clansmen from the Mel Gibson era, and, of course, Nazi stormtroopers.

"There was no doubting his seriousness, nor his strength of purpose," said Boggins, before terminating his interview with the Spoof when we revealed he would not be paid.

"He just wants to serve his country, and if he has to get dressed up like a deranged cigar chewing mercenary from the deepest depths of American popular television to do it, it seems it's a price he's willing to pay."

Leaks and speculation have marred Harry's army career and his attempts to simply be one of the lads.

Secret MoD plans to send the gingery cider supper to the Aladdin section of Euro Disney and 'telling him to keep his head down because he's under fire' had to be scrapped after they were made public.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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