TONY Blair may be about to encounter one of the most troubled political scenes in the world as Quartet peace envoy to the Middle East, but he's none too welcome back in Downing Street if reports from the start of the Brown years are to be believed.
Insiders at Number 10 say Gordon Brown is preparing to go public with an extraordinary denunciation of his former boss to mark his split in the public mind.
Civil servant Quanky Hunter-Munter said: "I heard the whole thing through the door, the cabinet meeting was more like a drunken scene from Animal House than a serious discussion of the day's issues.
"They were watching coverage of Tony Blair's arrival in the middle east and all I could hear was 'Blair you t**t', 'Look at Tony the tosser', and the 'Tony moroni song', which Gordon has written," he added.
It is believed that Tony Moroni will form the backbone of the first Brown manifesto as he casts his enormous head before the public to see if they salute.
A leaked early draft of the ditty, already familiar to many Westminster insiders, reads like a playground chant at a poor unfortunate special needs child.
"Tony Moroni, moron, moron, Tony,
I'm not your friend and I never will be,
Tony, Tony, Tony Moroni."
Brown is also believed to be preparing to unleash the Miliband's of War in an unprecedented round of interviews in which the former PM, Labour's most successful ever, will be traduced, mocked and called childish names.
No-one was available for comment.