Capping off 9 weeks of intense competition between a bevy of hard-bitten amateur terrorists, it all comes down to this: Will Aafia Siddiqui, the ‘woman with a thous...
(RUTGERS) - You might call her Princess. She might even respond to "baby". But a new study by animal researchers here has found that the vast majority of American dogs will come when called 'Blackie'.
(WASHINGTON) - The President may show off Saddam Hussein's gun to White House visitors, but that's nothing compared to what Vice President Cheney keeps in a glass case outside his office.
In yet another sign of the end times, the Devil has raised gas prices to over $6 a gallon - just in time for the summer travel season. Speaking through his intermediary, Exxon/Mobile, the prince of darkness said, "Go on - drive like there's no tomorr...
(GRAND RAPIDS) - Daytime TV shrink and self-proclaimed diet guru Dr. Phil McGraw was caught shoving an extra large Chimmie-Cheez burrito with extra sour cream down his throat in the parking lot of a Grand Rapids mini-mart Friday morning.
Publisher's note: portions of the following article were not suitable for readers under the age of 18. They have been redacted by our editorial staff.
(BOSTON) - Scientists have isolated the gene responsible for manager-like behavior, according to a study to be published in next month's Journal of New England Medicine.
(KANSAS) - Acting on a tip from an observant parking lot attendant, authorities have located over 150,000 school-aged children who, apparently, were left behind.
ENCINO (CA) - One day after scientists in Louisville, KY announced plans to perform the world's first full-face transplant, a spokesman for Michael Jackson says the embattled pop star is putting his famous mug on the block for a cool $12M.
(NEW YORK) General Electric has announced its bid to acquire renowned investor Warren Buffett in a deal worth $47B. Buffett, whose net worth is estimated at $30.5B, would be exchanged for $6B in cash and $41B in GE preferred stock.
They started from a pool of 1,500 hopefuls, each one a hard-bitten terrorist living somewhere in the United States. They came from all over the world to compete, some with no visible means of support. Last night, after all the votes were tallied, on...
(WASHINGTON) Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld will be replaced later this summer by Commerce Secretary Don Evans, in a move White House officials are describing as a "routine rotation" of cabinet personnel.
Only 1 in 7 Americans respond honestly to survey questions, according to a recent CNN/Gallup survey. Titled Telling the Truth: American Style, the study is believed to be the first of its kind.
A publicist for Cher says the 60-something pop star will kick off her final world tour with concerts in Sydney and Melbourne later this summer. Unlike her previous final world tours, the aging entertainer promises this one will truly be her last.
(BAGHDAD) In a stunning diplomatic move, the United States has transferred sovereignty of Iraq to a 67-year-old shopkeeper from Baghdad.
(WASHINGTON) Confirming rumors that have been swirling from the Beltway to Baghdad for months, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan and Coalition Provisional Authority adviser and spokesman Dan Senor acknowledged their plans to tie the knot la...
(Oak Brook, IL) McDonald's Corporation (MCD) announced today that its subsidiary, MCD-Iraq, has been awarded a 2-year, $1.3 billion contract to provide Happy Meals to thousands of detainees at Abu Ghraib prison.
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Melania Escapes Again
Trump Wants to Broadcast Cabinet Meetings
I.C.E. Dress Code
Yesterday No Longer Far Away for Most Americans
Jeff Session's Office Prepares to Attack Colorado!
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