Written by James Peters
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Topics: Cher, Summer

Monday, 24 May 2004

image for Cher Launches Her Very, Very Last World Tour
Taut n' ready for another "final" tour

A publicist for Cher says the 60-something pop star will kick off her final world tour with concerts in Sydney and Melbourne later this summer. Unlike her previous final world tours, the aging entertainer promises this one will truly be her last.

"Look, I can only get my face tightened so many times before I lose the ability to make any sort of human expression whatsoever. I know I'm not a renewable resource," said the spunky celebrity, who, until recently, was recognizable.

The tour, dubbed Cher: Supreme World Diva 2004, has already sold out in 104 countries. Her previous final world tour lasted over 9 years and broke box office records in cities as diverse as Bangladesh and Biloxi.

"Cher has this extraordinarily huge fan base," says long-time manager and business partner Steve Dillard. "She is worshipped wherever she goes. It's not about singing and dancing anymore. She's a fucking exhibit. People go to ‘view' her."

Tickets will sell for $180 a piece, and are expected to bring in a whopping $1.2 billion dollars for the legendary entertainer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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