Written by James Peters
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Topics: Bitten

Thursday, 27 May 2004

image for "American Terrorist" Finalists Chosen
This season's final 7

They started from a pool of 1,500 hopefuls, each one a hard-bitten terrorist living somewhere in the United States. They came from all over the world to compete, some with no visible means of support. Last night, after all the votes were tallied, only 7 remained, each one praying to become the next "American Terrorist".

Among this season's standouts: Ahmad Khalafan "Foopie" Ghilani, the 5'3" assassin from Gainesville, who wowed judges last night by reciting his long list of tongue-twisting aliases. And then there's 26-year-old Adam Yahiye Gadahn, the only American-born finalist. With his medium build and grungy good looks, he's quickly become the odds-on favorite among teen voters.

Host John Walsh is impressed with all of the finalists. "They make it look so easy, but it takes a lot of talent to do what they do. Not just anyone can stand up there and be a Bin Laden or an Al-Zarqawi. These kids have dedicated their lives to living the dream."

Next week, judges and viewers will narrow the group of 7 down to 4. But that doesn't faze Aafia Siddiqui, the only woman to make it onto last night's show. "Though we might get irritated with each other, and sometimes it might seem like we don't like each other, we really have become the best of friends. I will be happy no matter who wins, because I know that we are all doing God's will."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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