Harrisburg PA-- A Brookhaven woman was executed at midnight for an overdue library book. Michelle Critter, 45, went to her death in the electric chair crying softly. She was the first woman executed in Pennsylvania in over forty years. Ms. Crit...
Chappaquiddick MA-- Local police and FBI agents will continue their grim search at dawn for more cars and bodies in the Chappaquiddick Canal. Thirty-five drowned young women were pulled from their cars yesterday. A police spokesperson said some of...
Washington DC-- Michelle Obama had a terrible first day in the White House--she accidentally burned the house down to the ground! The Obama family was busy moving into the mansion when the fire happened. No one was injured. Michelle Obama said she w...
Washington DC -- The two little Obama girls had quite a scare when they visited the White House last week. Little Fric and Frac Obama went to the White House with their mother to choose their new bedrooms. Little Fric ran screaming down the stair...
Hollywood CA-- Academy Award winning actress Halle Berry was chosen today to portray the early years of Barack Obama. The biographical movie will focus on Obama's early years in Hawaii. Ms. Halle said she's thrilled to be chosen for such an importa...
(Washington DC) Authorities are expecting millions of loyal supporters to show for Obama at the inauguration next week. Authorities are also expecting millions of frost bite cases to plague the festivities. Temperatures are forecast to be in the t...
(Washington DC) Congress approved today a special Stool Tax to help fight global warming. A $10.00 tax on stools was issued for everyone over the age of eighteen. The new law was the last one signed by George W. Bush and takes effect immediately.
Madison WI-- An angry snowman lost its mind over the weekend and began attacking the two boys that created it. Madison detectives say the snowman became enraged after the boys used a carrot to make its nose. The little brothers weren't hurt. They...
Obamadelphia PA-- Mayor Michael Nutter officially renamed Philadelphia in a City Hall ceremony yesterday. The nation's sixth largest city is now officially Obamadelphia, named for the nation's first African-American president. The name change takes...
Juneau AK-- Governor Sarah Palin is using HAARP technology to send a devastating cold wave to the Eastern Seaboard. The intense cold wave is scheduled to arrive just before the Obama Inauguration on January 20, 2009. Temperatures on the Washington...
Springfield PA-- Bart Simpson was arrested today at the blood-soaked home of his parents by Springfield police. Simpson, 52, is charged with bludgeoning Homer and Marge Simpson to death with a stale donut. Police say Bart Simpson will be charged wi...
(Washington DC)-- Astronomer Richard C. Hogland announced he's discovered an 'ass' on Mars. Mr. Hogland is best known for discovering the 'Face on Mars' many years ago. He noted the ass is exactly 180 degrees from the Cydonia plain, where the Face...
Washington DC-- Former Vice-President Al Gore hailed the success of his campaign against global warming at a speech to the National Clown Club today. The flatulent ex-Veep stated colder global temperatures are a direct results of his tireless action...
(Washington, DC) The Obama family stopped in for a quick meal at a local KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken-heads)yesterday and received a somewhat awkward surprise--everyone ignored them! The family was celebrating the girls' first day at their new schoo...
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