Written by Number 6
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Thursday, 8 January 2009

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Bart Simpsons Missing Sister

Springfield PA-- Bart Simpson was arrested today at the blood-soaked home of his parents by Springfield police. Simpson, 52, is charged with bludgeoning Homer and Marge Simpson to death with a stale donut. Police say Bart Simpson will be charged with first-degree murder and could receive the death penalty.

Mr. Simpson is one-time child star that fell into bad times. He never made the transition into adulthood. Neighbors of the Simpsons say Bart rarely went outside, apparently spending most of his time smoking marijuana and watching tapes of his old shows. Neighbors say he was very sullen and withdrawn and refused to speak to them at all.

Police were called to the house several years ago, following the mysterious disappearance of Bart's two younger sisters. No evidence of foul play was discovered. Springfield detectives now assume the worst, following yesterday's tragedy.

The first police on the scene reported the house looked and smelled like a butcher shop. Marge Simpson was found in the laundry room. Her famous beehive hairdo was ripped off and most of her face was eaten away. Homer Simpson was found dead in the family room. His head was beaten to a pulp by a stale donut and his face was eaten too. One of the officers responding was so upset he was hospitalized for a nervous breakdown.

Bart Simpson was led from the house in handcuffs. His fading blond hair was matted with dried blood and he had bits of human flesh between his teeth.

"Hey, I didn't do it man. Leave me alone! Someone set me up. It's not fair! Someone call Johnny Cochran for me!" bellowed the post-post-post adolescent as he was taken away.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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