Saddam Hussein's Secret Prison Interview with Martin Bashir to Air on FOX

Funny story written by jd Balderdash

Monday, 5 December 2005

image for Saddam Hussein's Secret Prison Interview with Martin Bashir to Air on FOX

(FOX NEWS) Pentagon officials are scrambling to figure out, as Donald Rumsfeld put it,"How Martin Bashir of all people" could break into a level 5 maximum security U.S. military prison in Baghdad and interview, videotape and record Saddam Hussein for over 15 minutes. Martin Bashir, famous for his Michael Jackson interview is now currently himself under arrest in custody at an undisclosed location charged with trespassing inside a United States military installation located on foreign soil.

FOX news, possessing the lone copy of the poor quality but viewable video mp3 recorded by Bashir has been ordered by both the Pentagon and Department of Defense to not broadcast the video emailed to them by Bashir before his arrest but FOX says, "We're going live with it anyway."

FOX yesterday released a brief transcript of part of the Bashir/Hussein interview to the wire services ..

BASHIR -> Mr Hussein. First of all let me say welcome.

SADDAM -> saliem.

BASHIR -> I know folks will wonder how we pulled this interview off but more importantly will be shocked AND awed to learn that you can actually speak limited English. Can you say something in English for our audience?

SADDAM -> wilcome .. i .. wilcome Miss Bshure.

BASHIR -> Mr Hussein? .. Mr Hussein? Can you tell me .. Why? All .. THIS?

SADDAM -> k .. i may mistake .. 2. i sorree.

BASHIR -> Mr Hussein they destroyed your palaces, leveled your cities, toppled your statue and mockingly turned you and your top lieutentants into a comical deck of common playing cards. What's your reaction to all that?

SADDAM -> Yah they stroyed. Your mercan mericans with the shock the awe the crooze miss'ls. They stroy even sons Uday an Qusay.

BASHIR -> Do you miss your sons?

SADDAM -> Qusay. Uday? Wyle one him.

BASHIR -> How do you think your trial will turn out?

SADDAM -> i not order judg's killed. my pee'ple due that. i only order, .. may bee .. o k .. 2 judg's kill'd .. mux.

BASHIR -> mux?

SADDAM -> how u say in Merican? mux? mex .. Max .. i only ord ar two juges kill max.

BASHIR -> You sure seem to wield a lot of power Mr Hussien considering you're in a level 5 maxium security U.S. military prison.

SADDAM -> pow'r.

BASHIR -> power.

SADDAM -> Pow'r RANG'rs i watch back in palace .. pow'r ranGr's. i pow'r RANgr.

BASHIR -> Ok. Mr Hussein, I hate to be blunt here but .. why did you gas the Kurds?

SADDAM -> i not gas kurds! kurds they gas selves all i do is leeve poi pois'n gas in vill'ige doan blae me.

BASHIR -> Ok again Mr Hussein. Can .. Do you .. I don't know where to go from here .. ok .. What, what happens if they find you not guilty, set you free?

SADDAM -> Miss Bshure Allah i pray to for happen that. i promise be good pres dent of raq. Kill no one. Torture no one. gas no one. Saddam kill no one not deserving of kill.

BASHIR -> .. You know Mr Hussein that I could go to jail for breaking into this military installation and interviewing you?

SADDAM -> Yah. uh, Miss Bshure? .. how DO you geh here my john?

BASHIR -> I had to .. only nonsecure place on the prison base. Thank you for interviewing with me Mr Hussein.

SADDAM -> k. member, i not gas kurds miss Bshure i not gas kurds i not ..

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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