Saddam Hussien to be indicted in CIA leak investigation

Funny story written by jimmy gosh

Thursday, 27 October 2005

image for Saddam Hussien to be indicted in CIA leak investigation
Special prosecutor Pat Fitzgerald

A Federal Grand Jury will indict Saddam Hussein in the Valerie Plame investigation. Insiders close to the investigation insisted that the evidence behind Saddam's guilt was a "slam dunk."

The investigation began when Plame was outed as a covert CIA operative in a Robert Novak column. Revealing the name of an agent is a federal crime.

Special prosecutor Pat Fitzgerald began his inquiry by asking Novak where he had learned of Plame's identity. Apparently, Novak said it was from the same source for all of his stories: a little voice in his head.

Fitzgerald took "little voice in his head" to mean an evil spirit and immediately called on Karl Rove to testify.

Though the grand jury has been incredibly secretive, it is generally understood that Rove pointed his finger to Scooter "Aspens Turning" Libby who, in turn, said he had learned about it from Vice President Dick Cheney.

Cheney testified before the grand jury that it had been Saddam Hussein who had really been behind the leak. "I have no doubt that Saddam Hussein has been trying to leak her name for years" Cheney later said on Meet the Press. "We know it was him and have the forged documents to prove it."

It is reported that Fitzgerald found discrepancies in Cheney's account. But before Fitzgerald could question him about it, a "credible threat" was announced and Cheney was wisked away to an undisclosed, secure location.

Asked by Fitzgerald what he knew about the leak, Whitehouse spokesperson Scott McClellan testified to the grand jury that he "couldn't comment because it involves an ongoing investigation."

Another dramatic moment in the two year investigation came when New York Times employee Judith Miller was jailed for refusing to cooperate with the grand jury. 85 days later she remembered that she had forgot her source and was released. When asked about a notebook of hers, she testified that she had no idea what any of her notes meant. "I never understand what I'm writing about" she wrote in a personal account. "I just always copy down what the Whitehouse tells me to report."

Washington was on pins and needles during the days leading up to the indictment. "Cooked Story" reported that Fitzgerald was considering charging some of the players with perjury. "I just really hope that's not the case" former special prosecutor Kenneth Starr told this reporter. "When the only charge an investigator can make stick is a little case of perjury, you know the prosecutor is inept."

As news of Saddam's pending indictment reached Washington, it was said that a banner proclaiming "Mission Accomplished" could be seen hanging from the West Wing.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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