Written by Inhopeless

Thursday, 2 June 2011

image for E. Coli Outbreak Kills Millions, Trillions, Quadrillions

GENEZA, SWITZ. - The World Health Organisation (WHO) have declared the E.Coli strain found in cucumbers to be 'some new crazy shit'.

Already, tabloid papers have reported deaths in European countries to have reached the millions that they foresaw, epecially in Britain, France, and Germany.

Already, sensationalist papers in America have called for 'extreme' government action against the E.Coli strain, including banning them 'fancy Europe people', and 'murdering cucumber crops'.

However the WHO disagrees.

"Look," they said in a press release. "we... have... [an] idea of where this is going. Just becuase this is a new [strain] of EC does not mean we do not have a contingency plan. Our top workers are... fuck it. We're all gonna die."

Already, according to the Sun, a popular British daily, 'foreingers [sic] have killed many of our natives with the deadly thingy', and that 'London has been decimated'. The last phrase could mean that London has been divided into ten sections, of which one has been 'decimated', but we have no sure evidence of the usage in this context.

However, in America, Presidental Candidate Sarah Palin has said that she will ban 'the import of cucumbers'.

"Cucumbers are the sc-sc-scour... terrible plauge of humanity," she said. "I will make sure that if you elect me, I will stop those Europeans, with their socialist healthcare and long life expectancy, from entering these United States, along with their cucumbers. It's just wrong."

The Republicans have suggested sending United Nations Organisation Security Council Peacekeepers (UNSCP) to European nations to stop the spread of the disease.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: UN, WHO, Cucumbers, E-Coli

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