WASHINGTON, DC - Sometime in March, thousands of USMC troops from Camp Lejeune, North Carolina received orders from Obama to deploy to the Mediterranean, while Congress remained unaware of the President's use of American soldiers.
President Obama: Let me be clear ... No American forces will be sent to any war in Libya ... they will only protect people. Hurting Mr. Gadhafi is completely out of the question.
The US Department of Defense stated that the 80,000 US military personnel destined for the waters near Libya are actually being sent there to enjoy a "fun-filled vacation." Journalists were cautioned against irresponsible conjecture, and reminded that "sunburn is VERY dangerous" which supposedly explained the need for three heavy armor battalions.
Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State: We will encourage democracy in Libya, with every tool available, except war. Today, we have shifted from Kinetic Military action, to more peaceful Rusty-Venture-Triple-Gerbil military action.
In addition, Obama has ordered supply ships with an estimated 600 cruise missiles to the middle of the Mediterranean Sea. The White House Press Secretary told reporters "cruise missiles need rest and relaxation too ... they don't always have to go overseas on business."
On a positive note, the US construction industry reported a large and sudden rise in employment and GDP. Sales of underground fallout shelters in the US rose by 847% in March 2011. Vice President Biden described the news as "a big F***ing deal in a coming Summer of Recovery for the US economy."
