NEW YORK - At the United Nation Conference on Crime, socialogists, psychologists, geographers, and all other manner of doctorate and professors decided how to lower crime.
They first, came to the conclusion that crime is solely caused by humans.
"We found out that all crime was cause by humans," said Prof. Robert Pearson. "100%. We checked, and triple-checked, but to no avail. No animals or trees or cars were responsible for stealing even some candy."
The entire UN then came to the conclusion that all member nations should prevent all humans from doing anything.
"It may seem like a drastic measure," said Prof. Pearson, "but the DORA (Defence Of the Realm Act) was drastic, and it helped Britain win WWI. Or draw. Depends on which historian you ask. But still..."
Effective immediately, all world governments have placed emergency laws detailing the 'non-movement of all homo sapien sapien beings for time being until the rate of crime has been sustained at a reasonable level that is zero'.
"We thought of killing everyone," said Pearson. "But then that went against the UN Declaration of Human Rights, so this is a non-controversial way."
As of press time-
