Switzerland - (Gnomes Of Zurich Mess): The tosspot trio landed in Cloud Cuckooclock Land today ahead of the 2018 World Cup announcement.
Billed as 'England's Finest!' their schmooze of bribery-accused FIFA officials promises discreet - and Wikileaks-proof - bungs.
Forget blood diamonds, bales of cocaine and signed pairs of Cheryl Cole used knickers.
What's on offer is 24-carat ringside seats to Wee Willy Windsor's Woyal Wedding.
"We think this will seal the deal," David Cameron's tarot reader said today.
"Nobody else's bung comes close - not even Russia's video of Anna Chapman Chapman shagging David Assange!"
FIFA's decision on Thursday sees bookmakers offer 2/1 on England, mostly because of all the royal wedding crap currently flying around the red tops.
But the decision is by no means a done deal and Qatar, North Korea and Saudi Arabia bids remain on the table.
A FIFA spokesman said today: "F**k off, you daftass Spoof bastards."
John Terry is 69.
