Italian Prosecutors Seize Pope Benedict's $30M Bank Account

Funny story written by Karen Fish

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

image for Italian Prosecutors Seize Pope Benedict's $30M Bank Account
The Accused

Pope Benedict is the Head of The Vatican, the Holy See. It's like if you owned a corporation. The money is yours. You can do whatever you like with it. The Vatican is also a government, a sovereign entity, a dictatorship with the Pope at the Head. Pope Benedict has his own bank, the Vatican Bank. As long as he lives Pope Benedict can take all the money to the track if he likes. The Vatican has its own off track betting parlor where Pope Benedict can gamble on the live simulcast of Churchill Downs.

Yesterday the Italian prosecutor seized one of Pope Benedict's bank accounts with 30 million dollars in it. The Pope was not stupid enough to have his money in dollars; he had it in Euros, 23 million Euros. The Fed is now printing our new dollars on toilet paper made in China. President Obama gets no respect. Yesterday China told Obama to stay out of the South China Sea dispute or they would foreclose on the US Government. China also moved to protect their investment in the US by demanding that Obama blow off Larry Summers and Rambo Emanuel.

The Prophet Isaiah said that when the Messiah came, he would be named Emanuel, meaning God is with us. Pope Benedict is fond of constantly reminding everyone that he is the direct descendant of Peter, the rock upon which Jesus Christ built his Church. When the Italian Police came to the Vatican yesterday to announce that they had seized one of the Vatican's bank accounts for money laundering, Pope Benedict said to them, "What's the Vatican? I've never heard of Jesus Christ."

Jesus Christ, the Jewish born Rabbi and Messiah of Christianity and Islam said, accurately translated from the original Greek, "If you want to get into Heaven, sell all of your possessions, and give all the money to the poor." (Matt. 19:21). Jesus Christ said, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on Earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." (Matt. 6:19-20). This was before the invention of moth balls. Somebody forgot to tell His Infallibleness that there was no need to launder his money since he is already exempt from taxes. Shortly Pope Benedict may be joining Paris and Lindsay in the can - his drug is cash, cold hard cash.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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