Supermodel Naomi Campbell has been subpoenaed to testify in a war crimes case and pleads "I don't remember a f*****g thing."
Naomi was "innocently" invited to a party in South Africa by Charles Taylor, the ex-Liberian President, alongside Mandela, Mia Farrow and several other VIP's.
After the party she retreated to her luxury boudoir totally stoned and had a nightly visit from Taylor's men who gave her an uncut blood diamond (normally sold to finance Taylor's bloody excursions into neighbouring Sierra Leone).
Naomi is to be subpoenaed under suspicion of having knowledge about Taylor's involvement in one of the most bloody insurgencies in recent African history, in fact the insurgents used to make a habit of hacking off civilians hands and legs for a bit of light entertainment.
In her defence, she was completely stoned (as usual) and really didn't know a thing, but being a global superstar she should have known that Mr. Taylor was a bit of a 'bloody' scoundrel (nevermind as the long as the coke is good!).
As for Nelson Mandela, he wasn't stoned, refused a blood diamond and kindly asked Taylor to stop hacking off innocent civilians limbs, instead he should insurge into Zimbabwe and hack off Mugabe's head, much better!
After all African politicians and supermodels just don't fit!