Patrick Star, the oft-times intellectually challenged but loveable co-star of Nickelodeon's reality show Spongebob Squarepants, has committed himself to rehab after an early morning boating accident which left a teenage co-star critically injured.
Pearl Krabs, 14, had just left her father's restaurant when she was struck and injured by Star's boat. Bikini Bottom Medical Center lists her as critical but stable.
Star, 29, refused to take a breathalyzer test at the scene, claiming that he had no lungs. After failing both a field sobriety test and a regenerate severed limb test, Star was taken into custody.
Star's life partner, Mr. Squidward, refused comment when encountered leaving the Easter Island head the couple shared since 1992.