Written by Morse

Wednesday, 9 June 2010


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image for FBI's Last Comment to Reality Star van der Sloot After Handing Over $15,000: "Go Break a Neck!"
van der Sloot Off to Peru with FBI money which financed his next 'big hit.'

The bizarre story involving the Dutch sociopath just gets more bizarre after it was revealed the FBI taped their sting meeting with Joran, but instead of immediately arresting him, bid the bad actor off with the Hollywood Classic Phrase, "OK Joran....now go break a neck."

FBI agent Samantha Prufrocke later admitted she misspoke due to nervousness being near the 6'3 van der Sloot due to his 'sheer animal magnetism', saying she knew the accepted phrase was 'break a leg' before every actor's debut on center stage.

The FBI was dispatched after Joran contacted the mother of missing, presumed dead spring breaker Natalee Holloway, saying that for $250,000 he would divulge the location of her body. During the taped meeting in Aruba, Joran repeated his extortion offer, and accepted a $15k down payment, with the promise of a wire transfer for an addition $25k, and the balance deposited into his off shore account in the Netherlands Antilles.

Reports are emerging that even though Aruba officials knew Joran was planning to flee the country, the FBI, currently leaderless due to confusion within the Obama administration refused to act. Currently 16 law enforcement agencies are running clueless due to lack of leadership, and outright fear that they may actually arrest a wrong doer but be brought up on human rights charges. "Barry has to sign off on everything and give a press conference before we can act, " said a long time disgusted Agent.

Van der Sloot apparently laughed when he heard that the money to bolt to Peru had actually been given to him by the FBI saying "Well, that broad was about as sharp as a sneaker full of shit...I mean, Clarisse Starling she wasn't...she had pretty big tits for a Lesbian Fed though, I should have known something was up when she wouldn't F****me for my autograph!"

The administration said through Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, that the President was fully engaged in the getting to the botom of the foul up, and as soon as he appointed a committee to look into the situation, he was prepared to "kick some serious ass, even if it's encased in a size 18 pants suit!"

Gibbs also apologized for the death of the 22 year old Peruvian girl, Joran's last victim, calling it "accidental collateral damage during a top secret investigation involving protecting the President."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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