Morse Killed - Killer Goes Free

Written by Skoob1999

Friday, 19 March 2010


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Morse. Not Dead. Frigging In The Rigging Again.

Consternation reigned at as the news came in that Morse had been killed. Satirists the world over slumped into chairs in stunned disbelief that a much loved and highly respected fellow satirist should have met such an untimely demise.

Anti-hunting activist Bryan Griffiths was acquitted of killing Trevor Morse, a pro-hunting activist, at an airfield in Warwickshire, UK.

Mr Griffiths flew a gyrocopter into Mr Morse, gruesomely making a mess of his head with the rotor blades. He claimed in court that he was in fear for his life, and that Mr Morse was actively attempting to prevent the gyrocopter from taking off when the rotor blades collided with his head.

Killing him.

Stone dead.

However, clarification soon came in confirming that the Mister Morse killed, and the satirist Morse, were not in fact one and the same individual.

Morse the satirist was all the time alive and well and cruising the Caribbean at the time of the incident, along with his lovely wife, admiring half dressed topless women on sunkissed beaches. Morse the satirist that is. Not his wife. Who as far as we know has no lesbian tendencies, but does have a soft spot for dogs. But not in a bestial way.

Former pirate captain and long time favourite of Portsmouth doxies, including the legendary Pompey Lil, Morse told us from his South Carolina residence (which he claims is a 'gated community,' but which we suspect is actually some sort of State Penitentiary):

"Hell no. I ain't dead yet. A little deaf maybe. But not dead. And I'm certainly not dumb enough to attack the rotor blades of a gyrocopter with my head. Over a mangy old fox. Now if you'll all kindly screw off and leave me be I'd like to get on with sending some more Emails of spectacular hooters to my on-line buddies. But not in a racist way. I'm no racist. I'm not terribly fond of the Scots, admittedly. But that doesn't make me a racist. And I'm certainly not a gay racist. That just doesn't even bear thinking about."

More from the undead former pirate captain as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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