Washington DC: The Huffington Post (HP) is reporting that former Vice President Al Gore is planning to run for President of the United States in 2010. He candidly let this slip while attending a political luncheon at a downtown hotel.
A sharp reporter for the HP blog realized that in 2010 it's not possible to run for the White House. Mr. Gore indicated that, "President Obama's ratings will be so low by next year that he will resign, as will VP Joe Biden, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. (The First Dog Bo will have chewed up the Lincoln Bedroom furniture by this time, which is also a real no no for a sitting president.)
The Supreme Court will have no choice but to declare that a special presidential election is to be held in November 2010! In case of trouble I already have Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor lined up!"
Mr. Gore then went further stating that, "President Obama is not liberal enough on climate change spending. He is too focused on the US economy, health care reform and not enough on cap and trade. When I win, I can religiously attack global warming and climate change from the oval office. My first budget will cut almost every Federal government service to almost zero except entitlements, interest on the National Debt and to beef up global warming abatement initiatives and programs. We are going "green" even if it bankrupts the American taxpayers. I plan to raise taxes on everything from soda pop to brassieres to alleviate this climate change crisis.
I am going to ask former President Jimmy Carter to be my vice president. He knows how to control the White House tennis courts, where the restrooms are, has dealt with the Iranians before and unlike Joe Bidden can be counted on to be quiet. I am also thinking about Clinton for Secretary of State, Bill that is! And that intern what's her face for his executive secretary.
Americans like firsts e.g. the first African American president; the first woman Speaker of the US House; the first Latino woman on the Supreme Court: and now the first president to be a vice president and the first president to be a Secretary of State (also married to a former one).
I will be using my Internet, TV network and Twitter to communicate great thoughts to the American people."
Donna Brazile, Mr. Gore's Campaign Manager said "they have raised $1.75 so far, but have not heard from the Hollywood crowd as yet." (She confided quietly that she was just a born loser.)
Republican Party Chairman former Lt. Governor Michael Steele was seen locking himself in a closet at the hotel, with three pillows to muffle his laughter. He first looked for a telephone booth, but it was occupied by Governor Tim Kaine the Democratic Party Chairman (also surrounded by pillows).