Experts forecast surge of GMO zombies

Funny story written by Helen Tarnation

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

NAIROBI and MINDINAO - Experts on genetic modification of crops from the Amsterdam-based multinational Greenprice International are forecasting a surge of what observers calls 'GMO zombies'.

'Our experts in Africa and the Philippines have found that GMO (genetically modified) crops cause homosexuality, baldness, and impotence', said Henedikt Baerlin. Baerlin is Senior Vice President of Researching Things at Greenprice.

'Given what our researchers have found', he said, 'consumers of GMO foods could release a flood-tide of hairless AIDS patients who are dependent on Veogrum.'

Veogrum is a common, but expensive, remedy for impotence.

'These people will probably exhibit symptoms of Rygroine-resistant baldness', Baerlin added. 'With the baldness brought on by GMO crops, we could see incurable baldness spread around the planet.'

Rygroine is a common, but expensive, remedy for baldness.

Baerlin said that there is 'growing concern' among 'popular scientists' that these hairless, drug-dependent people could become enraged and spread uncontrollably, like invasive species. After repeatedly being thrown out of supermarkets for rude behavior, they could turn to feasting on the shoppers instead.

'They could have allergies, too', Baerlin added.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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