In an announcement that is certain to cause shock waves around the political world, US President Barack Obama announced today that he has decided to replace current Energy Secretary, Dr Steven Chu, co-winner of the Nobel Prize for Physics in 1997, and regular contributor to the popular DIY magazine 'Wingnuts Today'. In what political analysts are predicting is likely to prove a controversial move, President Obama announced that another DIY icon, Madonna, will be taking over the role with immediate effect.
Making his announcement at a press conference at the White House, President Obama -in what seemed to be an early demonstration of confidence in Secretary Madonna- wore a cap-sleeved T-shirt in lime green, bearing the logo "Get Stupid" on the front and "Wrap Your Legs Around the World" on the back. "When I said I was going to give you change you could believe in," said President Obama "this is the kind of s**t I was talkin' about! We are living in a material world, and I can assure you I am a material girl."
It seems that Secretary Madonna's elevation onto the mainstream political stage came following her appearance on stage in Tel Aviv a few days ago, during which the 51 year old, increasingly deranged pop icon and adherent of Kabbalah, who is believed to be held together with Portland cement and peanut butter, indicated to the audience that Israel was nothing less than the "centre of the world's energy." Within minutes, President Obama was on the 'phone to Israeli premier Binyamin Netanyahu, closing a deal which would provide unrestricted access by the US to this apparently unlimited energy supply, in return for an agreement to send 5 million US troops to the West Bank to force the Palestinians into Syria, a promise to nuke Iran by Christmas, and an agreement by Obama to accept the Jewish faith and be circumcised with a butter knife live on television on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.
A clearly ebullient President Obama concluded his press conference with what was clearly a thinly-veiled comment toward the rich and hitherto powerful Arab oil-producing countries. "You can all keep your oil and go f**k yourselves," he said. "Happy days are here again!"
As a gesture of goodwill, Secretary Madonna has also offered to adopt a Palestinian child.