North Korea Resumes Anti-Whale Missile Activity

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Saturday, 4 July 2009

image for North Korea Resumes Anti-Whale Missile Activity
Experts say this is what "could have happened" had North Korea been successful in campaign.

SEOUL, South Korea - North Korea unveiled its latest Cold War technology today, launching yet another attack against whales in the Sea of Japan as the United States and South Korea closely monitored the attempted slaughter.

US sources say satellite imagery clearly shows the seven relics, believed to have been designed by the legendary Robert H. Goddard, falling well short of their intended whales.

South Korean officials nevertheless called the acts "provocative," and the United States officially condemned the missile launch, issuing a stern statement to the North Korean government indicating those waters off the Sea of Japan operate under strict international whaling laws.

US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates reportedly tracked down some Patriot missiles, designed in 1969 and highly effective against Scud-type missiles like those used in the attack against the whales, but decided the odds of an effective strike by the North Koreans did not warrant the trouble of deploying them.

He chose instead to spend the day with his family, later launching some bottle rockets, that actually worked the way they are supposed to, with his grandchildren.

Kim Jong-il is believed to have spent the day underground being channeled through the intestinal tracts of myriad worms while his communist successors worked feverishly with scissors and tape, attempting to splice together video footage of their Dearly Departed Leader praising the success of this latest North Korean endeavor.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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