Dudley - Well known aspiring writer and advocate of public transportation Monkey Woods has been reported to be spurning his avowed avocation for writing by taking up with a Moslem Woman he met on a bus to Bilston Leisure Centre to try and get in on free swimming for those under sixteen and over sixty.
"The woman was getting on just as my stop to Bilston came up. She smiled and took my seat thinking I was giving it up gentleman-like while I was just getting up to go for a swim. Once she gave me the old come-hither smile I stood up beside her all chivalrous and stayed on for a few extra stops sparking her up with me footy knowledge."
"I told her I was Muslim on my father's side, which is not true, and we struck up a conversation leading to me helping her walk her groceries to her flat."
"Once inside I let out that I was a proof reader and that was it. Turns out Khadje, not her Christian name, only dates proofreaders and she proceeded to demonstrate to me the unabridged version of the Kama Sutra."
Needless to say I have not had time to get to a computer for awhile.
"Other than that, things are alright although Khadje gets me to lay down with her on the carpet and face Birmingham three times a day."