White House Whitewashes Global Warming

Funny story written by Anietie Ukpe

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

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An Environmental Protection Agency proposal that could have led to regulating the gases blamed for global warming has been whitewashed by the White House. The White House thinks factories, small businesses and other institutions should not be sacrificed at the altar of fresh air.

If the White House were a Black House it would have seen things differently. Black Houses retain heat and are usually hotter than white houses and are more likely to let its occupants experience global warming skin-deep and "first breathe."

The White House reflects light and keeps its occupants from having full experience of global warming. Civil right groups have already thought of a citizenship lobby to get the White House painted Black so that its occupants would be forced to be more environment-friendly and global warming-sensitive.

EPA in collaboration with a dozen federal agencies and departments had determined in April that greenhouse gases pose dangers to public health and welfare. The report was made in nine pages of memo and reflected the opinion of these agencies and departments.

But the White House believes that "corporate health" was more important than fresh air and the industries and small businesses should be allowed to smoke their engines and let factory worker Richard Roe cover his nose with one hand and take his fat pay with the other hand.

EPA had set in motion the regulation of six heat-trapping gases from cars and trucks, factories and other sources under the Clean Air Act for the first time. But the White House countered with the document, "Deliberative-Attorney Client Privilege," which claims that regulation of heat-trapping gases, including carbon dioxide, factories, small businesses and institutions would hurt Corporate America.

"Making the decision to regulate carbon dioxide ... for the first time is likely to have serious economic consequences for regulated entities throughout the U.S. economy, including small businesses and small communities," the document reads. A source added that it did not reflect the administration's views.

The administration's view is that Corporate America can do no wrong - it has no body to be kicked, no soul to be damned and no spirit to send to hell. Corporate America does not even breathe (though it exhales carbon compounds), so it does not matter to it if the air is polluted or not. Neither do they mind that what goes up (even if it is black smoke) will come down.

The way I see it, a good company is only a company but its smoke is commerce. If you still breathe in oxygen, please ask your doctor to reconfigure your lungs for alternative gas like carbon dioxide. Until then wear a wet handkerchief over you nosy nose. You may still live as long as your grandfather - particularly if you train your nose to breathe in carbon monoxide instead of oxygen.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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