'So long, suckers!', says British commander to Americans in Iraq

Funny story written by matwil

Tuesday, 31 March 2009

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4.000 British soldiers began leaving Iraq today, and their commanding officer, Major General Andrew Salmon-Gaffe, said: 'The whole world knows why Americans and British have been here. Iraq is an invented fake country, invented in London, and the world's third largest oil producer.'

'So that's why Americans are here, we've just been a token force to make the Yanks believe it's not just them that are dying for oil. And we're leaving now, and leaving Americans to keep on dying so that Europeans keep on getting Iraqi oil. So long, suckers!'

The United States has never won a war on its own, and so its soldiers will basically be target practice for Iraqis, as they have been for years there, and have achieved absolutely nothing since they first arrived in that part of the world, except made Americans look even more useless than they were before, and made Americans even more hated in the Arab world than they were before.

'Funny how the British aren't hated by Arabs', Salmon-Gaffe said, 'and have had only a fraction of the casualties that the Americans have had. Hmm, I guess running the world for 500 years makes the British slightly better at wars than the Americans.'

'But why do the American people put up with being so blatantly used as cannon fodder for European oil? Ah, I know - the idiots believe it when they're told it's for 'democracy', or for 'the flag', jeez, not even a child would be that dumb in Britain.'

'And now the fools are being left on their own, while we go off and do some real fighting somewhere else - real fighting for our own country, not one we're supposed to be independent from. So long, suckers!', and the nearby GIs began painting their flags white, as without the British they'll suffer the same fate as in Vietnam.

The United States of America has had 233 years of 'independence' this year. You can almost hear the laughter from Westminster at that. Apple pie, anyone?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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