Aging and well past her sell by date Pop star Madonna is to travel to Malawi in a bid to bribe her way into buying a second child, because the first one is 'getting on her nerves' - well, not quite her nerves, her team of Nanny's nerves.
The 70-year-old is expected to arrive at the weekend and attend a procedural hearing at the High Court on Monday.
Many are critical of the stars motives - some say she is just seeking attention others are furious that she won't adopt an American child, such as me for example.
I am a fit and healthy 40 something who would love to jet around with Madonna - I would stop writing about her and would be happy to breast feed, milk or no milk.
An official at the Malawian department of women and child welfare has said that the pop star had already filed adoption papers and her case could be heard as early as next week, but it is not too late to take me.
Madonna's spokeswoman (How many has she got?) in New York, Liz Rosenberg, would not comment but said if Mr Atticus Finch is putting himself up for adoption then Madonna may consider him - especially as I would be free and no bribing or donation would be needed.
I would make an excellent brother to David and I could help do things like entertain guests and keep Guy Ritchie away as I am sure, no, positive, I could beat the crap out of the yuppie mockney bastard.
But I detract.
Another thing - Malawi does not as a rule approve adoptions for single or divorced people, but the official at the country's welfare department said that each case was considered on merit or money.
Pick me bitch and save $100,000 in bribes!
