Written by matwil

Thursday, 26 March 2009

image for Taleban invite Americans to Afghanistan, to show them how to kill prisoners in an as barbaric, Middle Ages' way as possible
Throwing murderers coverered in pigs' blood to sharks is the American way

In Afghanistan today, where the Taleban rule large parts of the country, that fundamentalist organisation invited Americans there to show them how to kill prisoners accused of murder.

'We've heard of the American way of dealing with murderers. Gassing, electrocution, lethal injections, being thrown into a swimming pool full of sharks after being covered in pigs' blood, beheading, and slow death by being eaten alive by rats, all these modern, civilised methods appeal to us, so we've asked the governor of Texas's famous Cretin-Cretin jail to come over and show us how to do them.'

The Taleban has been villified by American governments for daring to stand up to the USA, and not be colonised - not even the Ancient Greeks under military genius Alexander managed to beat the Afghans - or defeated, but now they're adopting American methods of capital punishment, relations between the two people may thaw.

President Barack Obama, signing the death warrant for another two American death-row inmates, said: 'I think, and time will prove us right, that the Taleban have made the correct decision, a decision while not underestimating the word count of this droning sentence will prove to be a just and correct one, and if I keep talking we'll get to the end, if not the beginning of the end, of this sentence; eventually.'

Suggestions that a country like the United States criticising the Taleban for simply treating murderers in exactly the same way as they do was hypocritical, were ignored by the US media, as were suggestions that intolerant, religious, gun-toting fanatics are a hundred times more common in the United States of America than Afghanistan. Luckily Americans don't have to win wars. The Taleban do - to stay alive.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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