Condom Outrage! USAID Gives Contract to China- Oral Sex Now Considered Life Threatening!

Funny story written by Morse

Monday, 23 March 2009


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USAID Mandates Chinese Condoms: Oral Snacks Could Kill You!

Washington,DC/ Hiv/Aids Capitol of the United States of America - In another case of ignoring growing economic concerns over loss of jobs, the government Welfare Agency, USAID, under the auspices of the Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, effectively put an Alabama Condom plant out of business.

The new contract for the world's condom consortium effectively closed the plant and put 300 US workers on the unemployment line.

USAID's current $39.5B a year welfare budget to dependent countries includes $4.8B to allegedly combat AIDS/HIV in the backward 3rd world.

Unfortunately, Washington,DC, the nation's capitol, now has an HIV/AID epidemic compared to Kenya and South Africa, with 3% of the population reportedly affected, a number said to be grossly understated.

USAID officials were not available for comment due to death threats by a number of newly unemployed condom workers, and outrage in Congress by Republican Conservatives who were dismayed over the loss of yet more American Jobs.

China has come under continued scrutiny and outrage in the past year as products imported from the country continue to fail important safety as well as food and drug tests, unfortunately well after the documented facts of sickness and often deaths by an unsuspecting populace around the world.

Recent outrages consist of tainted whole milk, powdered milk, pet food, and even candy for children under the White Rabbit brand, now banned in Hong Kong and New Zealand. Japan has banned insecticide tainted Dumplings, and the world is now left to wonder what is safe to import from China.

The Chinese Condom Company, dispensing the prophylactics under the Double Butterfly Dead Bunny Brand, received the multi billion dollar contract by supplying the product and undercutting the Americans by $.03 per unit.

USAID officials, who had not thought the contract ramifications through, saying that dire consequences would erupt if the contract wasn't "signed immediately!!!!", have been called on the Carpet by Barney Frank, a long time condom user.

Lisping his way through a thoroughly distasteful Congressional hearing, Frank raised the issue of safe oral sex when using the new Chinese Product.
"Have you tested this product?" he asked rhetorically, " how do we know it doesn't have melamine in it...I for one don't want to have sex and die!"

USAID officials are now said to be scrambling, and have commissioned a study to be administered by University of Chicago Graduate students at Joliet State Prison in Illinois. Prisoners will be issued Chinese Condoms, and another control group will be issued good ole' boy Alabama Condoms.

Results of the tests should take no longer than a long weekend to study, and come up with a conclusion based on simple blood tests.

Three former Illinois Governors, a state legislator, a former Attorney General, and 6 lobbyists have reportedly volunteered for the testing upon the promise of commutation for time served.

Secretary of State Clinton indicated she has no intention of supplying any condoms to help stem the infections in the nation's capitol. She did say, however, she is making available an unlimited supply of cigars from the Dominican Republic, and urged all citizens to partake in the opportunity to enjoy safe sex.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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