Philosopher says that believing in God may not be the only path to salvation.
The Associated Mess
Updated: 8:19 p.m. ET June 24, 2004
FAIRFAX, VA - Dr. Hume Diddlestick announced yesterday, to an impressionable young janitor, that the belief in God couldn't be the only way to Heaven.
Dr. Diddlestick, who holds dual PhDs in both Philosophy and Physical Education, said he didn't understand what the big deal was.
"I mean, it's not like this is something shocking or complicated. In fact, it's rather obvious," Diddlestick exclaimed during a press conference.
The shockingly complicated revelation is one that involves imitation as the sincerest form of flattery. God, in Diddlestick's professional opinion, wants obedience, adulation, and apparently people not to believe in him.
"You see, the atheist is actually following God literally-more so then any other theist on the planet. After all, and here it is, the key to the equation of salvation-God does not believe in any higher beings then himself. God does not believe in another God, to state it another way. Therefore the atheist is merely imitating God, thereby flattering and following in God's footsteps."
Theists worldwide are not willing to play with Diddlestick though, "He's nuts. Everyone knows that the only way to God is through the sun. That's why the space program is so important-I mean....we can't just sling-shot ourselves up there," said an obviously very retarded and confused Ralphy Von Duthers, an Astro-physicist and part time male model.
The Pope had no comment, other then the rasping gasps of the soon to be departed.
