The former bread basket of Africa turned basket case rejoiced at the news that the anus belonging to Zanu PF's spectacularly corrupt and inept leader, Robert Mugabe fled the across the border to South Africa seeking political anusylum.
"The guy has been dumping on, and through me for over eighty years and I couldn't take it anymore", claims Mugabe's asshole.
Mugabe's crapper went on to claim: "The head case turned the country into a basket case with hyper inflation, corruption, nepotism and repression that would have made Idi Amin wince. Even though I was at the bottom of the Mugabe regime, I have some standards and became increasingly disturbed and embarrassed at the morons antics and cruelty.
"It became increasingly embarrassing to be associated with such a despot who was every white supremacists living cliché or archetype. I just could not bear having to accommodate his cronies or be kissed and licked by them any longer claims Mugabe's former anus."
Morgon Blackeneye former leader of the opposition and now prime Minister, went on to claim that Mugabe's asshole spent a considerable amount of time as the discreet mouthpiece of the regime, delivering lunatic Marxist and anti British sentiments to literally captive audiences.
Morgan Tsvangirai also claimed that the despotic leader's anus was often left in charge of the country while its owner was indulging in visits to luxurious health spas, brothels and international crime conventions.
Mugabe's poopshoot said that, "I never denied my part in elevating this shit to international prominence but deeply regret the extent to which I became mired in this stinking mess. If I had been morally stronger, I would have flipped myself inside out and shat the crook into the Limpoo- poo where he belongs. Mugabe could not have functioned without me in the same way that Hitler could not have functioned without his asshole, Goebbels. Getting shafted by the Chinese as they dug out Scumbabwes mineral wealth at knock down prices to finance Mugabe's cronies was the last straw".
The desperate nation are now hoping that their tyrannical idiot of a leader will continue to keep stuffing himself imported delicacies until he explodes.
The esteemed leader went on state television to claim that: "My asshole was British all along and I do not need it. With my treacherous anus exposed and removed, the legacy of British imperialism is evidently still at work in Zimbabwe".
Several attempts had been made to placate and encourage Mugabe toward progressive, liberal democracy through the efforts of visiting diplomatic assholes dispatched from South Africa by Thabo Mbeki.
Unfortunately, Mugabe was not wearing any of them.