The Department of the Environment have published the following scale and would like to know where you rate? Please send your answers via Airmail.
The Farter Chart .... Types Of Farters
VAIN : One who loves the smell of his own fart
AMBITIOUS : Always ready for a fart
LAZY : Just fizzle
AMIABLE : Likes to smell others' farts
PROUD : Thinks his farts are exceptionally pleasant
SHY : Blushes when he farts silently
IRREVERENT : Farts in church
SMART ALEC : Farts when ladies are present
CLEVER : Farts and coughs at the same time
SCIENTIFIC : Bottles his farts for later sniffing
STINGY : Belches to save his ass hole
TIMID : Jumps when he farts
CONCEITED : Thinks he can fart the loudest
UNFORTUNATE : Tries to fart but shits himself
FOOLISH : Suppresses a fart for hours
BEWILDERED : Can't tell his own fart from others
NERVOUS : Stops in the middle of a fart
MISERABLE : Can't fart at all
CONFUSED : Face is so much like an ass, fart can't tell which way to go
GROUCH : Grumbles when ladies fart
SNEAKY : Farts and blames it on the dog
DISAPPOINTED : Fart doesn't smell
CHILDISH : Farts and then giggles
FRESH GUY : Jumps in front of you and then farts
BIG BULLY : Farts louder than others
DUMB : Enjoys others' farts, thinks they are his own
CUTE : Smells your farts and then tells you what you were eating
WISE GUY : Farts and asks who shit
DAMNED MEAN : Farts and then pulls the covers over his wife's head
MUSICAL : Tenor or bass, clear as a bell, smells like shit and sounds like hell
ATHLETIC : Jumps in the air, farts 3 times, and kicks his heels 3 times
SLOB : Farts and stains his underwear
IMPUDENT : Farts out loud and then laughs
ENVIRONMENTALIST : Farts regularly but is concerned about the pollution
HONEST : Admits he farted but offers a good medical reason
DISHONEST : Farts and then blames the dog
THRIFTY : One who always has farts in reserve
ANTI-SOCIAL : Excuses himself and farts in private
STRATEGIC : Conceals his fart by loud laughter
INTELLECTUAL : Analyzes the smell of his neighbors' fart
WIMPY : Farts at the slightest exertion
SADIST : Farts in bed, then fluffs the covers
SENSITIVE : Farts and then starts crying
AQUATIC : Farts in bath, then breaks bubbles with toes
MASOCHIST : Farts in the bath tub and tries to bite the bubbles
