Burrito Bell to Offer Methane Emission Offsets

Funny story written by AAJetMan

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

image for Burrito Bell to Offer Methane Emission Offsets
EPA Demonstrator led to Methane Emission Offset

Frijole, TX (RS) -- In its "Amigo to the Environment" campaign, Burrito Bell announced today that all its resturants will soon offer methane emission offsets to its customers.

The offset prices range from 4 cents on a simple tostada, to $1.06 on a 7-layer burrito.

The move is in response to the pungent vengeance of environmentalists who declare some 'Bell food "flatulent friendly".

"We take our responsibility seriously, but" continued one spokesperson, "we won't compromise our menu".

EPA spokesperson Immanuel Aromatz praised the action.

"They are really a force to be reckoned with. By offering emission offsets they show that they're not just blowing smoke."

Burrito Bell has also promised "flatulence-free zones in all our stores" by 2010, the spokesperson added. However, the ACLU, upon catching wind of the plans, immediately stated that the policy "violates free speech and expression".

The court system will receive the brunt of this beginning-to-churn battle.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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