WASHINGTON, D.C. - Former President Bush signed a deal with Simon and Shyster to publish Recipes for Disaster, an eagerly awaited cookbook focusing on notable dishes from his administration. "If you don't 'stay the course,' at least stay for the Main Course!" quipped Bush with a dopey grin, clearly impressed with his clever play on words.
Among highlighted recipes in the book are one of Bush's favorites, Mexican Border Tacos, with ingredients he says were smuggled right in from our good neighbor to the South. He also favors a new twist on a classic Creole dish, Katrina-Style New Orleans Jambalaya, a recipe he says was contributed by his good friend and former FEMA director Michael Brown. However, he insists you should wait several days before serving it.
Other notable culinary concoctions are Freddie Mac 'n' Cheese, baked in a gooey sauce so thick you can barely bail it out of the casserole dish. Bush says this is an excellent side dish for Sub-Prime Rib smothered in Fannie Mae Marmalade. If all this sounds a bit too heavy for you, you can always just skip out on it, and have a light salad with Crawford Ranch Dressing instead.
For another meal that's guaranteed to satisfy, get the ball rolling with twin 9-11 Layer Dips, appetizers so tall they're just about ready to come toppling down. Then, try some Osama bin Laden Kebabs (though the ingredients are admittedly quite difficult to find) served over Jihad Pilaf, and wash it all down with Iraqi Freedom Lemonade. "When life hands you lemons, you... you squeeze the lemons... wait. How does it go? You... well, I guess you make lemonade! Anyway, it's to die for," says Bush. "This tart treat will have American faces puckering for years. And my brother Jeb's fresh-squeezed Florida Recount Orange Juice isn't bad, either," he added with an idiotic smirk.
Many have been left wondering why Recipes for Disaster has no chapter on desserts. Quite simply, there are no "just desserts" for the Ex-President, and never have been. This cookbook is a lot of Hail to the Chef and does not even include a recipe for Humble Pie either, as Bush says that's not part of his diet.