Lonely Russian Man Watching Sarah Palin From Home

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Sunday, 28 December 2008

image for Lonely Russian Man Watching Sarah Palin From Home
Stanislav Anzhela's best friend (pictured): "His behavior has become considerably more obsessive lately."

ANCHORAGE, AK - Stanislav Anzhela has been keeping a close eye on the Alaska governor since her meteoric rise from political obscurity earlier this year. Anzhela first became aware of Palin while surfing the Internet, searching world news headlines. Immediately struck by her beauty and charm, he began learning as much he could about this captivating American politician. Upon hearing that she could actually see Russia from her home state, he was struck with an idea.

Anzhela, whose full name coincidentally means "glorious angel," purchased an 18" Schmidt-Cassegrain telescope, mounting it in his living room near an Eastward facing window. From there, he is able to follow his glorious angel's every move.

Most of Anzhela's free time is spent researching Palin and making extensive entries about his observations of her in his diary. He has learned and seen much. "She is wonderful. I hope that one day we can be friends," says Anzhela. "She would like me very much. I am very different - not like other Russians. And I too can field dress a moose."

He finds the press' unfair treatment of Palin deplorable. "All this Caribou Barbie business... it just makes me sick," he says. "I know what it is like for people to make fun of you. It is like this in Russia, too. Nobody understands how I feel. I want to go to Alaska and visit with her to tell her everything is going to be alright."

That will not be for some time. Though he works two jobs and has sold most of his guns and trophy moose heads, Anzhela is still far short of the money needed for a trip to America. His infatuation with Palin has isolated him from his friends and family, and the Russian government will not grant him a passport due to previous stalking charges. He has not yet ruled out a bone-chilling rowboat ride across the Bering Strait, but for now, it seems Anzhela will have to content himself with watching his Northern star from afar.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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