Israstine 2030: First Hamas Prime Minister

Funny story written by Ross Raffin

Friday, 23 January 2009

Only 22 years after Israel and Palestine implemented Libyan despot Muammar Qaddafis "one-state solution," Israstine proved its diversity by electing Ali Megrahi of the Hamas party as Prime Minister. Prime Minister Megrahi and his party won an astonishing 51% of the popular vote, beating out the divided Likud (25%) , Kadima (23%), and Jews for Jesus (1%) parties. Upon taking office, Megrahi congratulated his fellow Israstinians for their industrious rebuilding of the area including recent renovations to downtown Haifa and its subsequent relocation into the sea. He also complimented Israstinian engineers on their new "sound-proof" wailing wall.

During the 2009 integration of Israel and Palestine, neither government faced much internal opposition. The Fatah party not only agreed to the plan, but the moment integration began, every key Fatah official permanently stopped all public appearances and announcements. Since then, Fatah has withdrawn from every public election, leaving the entire ex-Palestinian electorate up for grabs.

Israstinian political scientists are growing worried about the explosive population growth of the ex-Palestinian population. "Before the founding of Israstine," Israstinian Ben Weinstein said, "we hadn't noticed that the population rate of the poor, of which ex-Palestinians make up a disproportionate amount, tends to have more children. The problem is like mexicans, if they actually voted.

"Because we had to give ex-Palestinians voting rights under the 2012 NJJ laws [Not Just Jews], they now overwhelmingly outnumber the divided Israeli parties."

Others are more optimistic. "We are quite happy living with Israel," Israstinian Mohammed Hussein said. Other Israstinians have said that they have no problem living with so many Palestinians around. When asked whether they identified themselves as ex-Israeli, ex-Palestian, or Israstani, an overwhelming majority of the population replied "none of the above."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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