Crackass, Monday - Hugo Chávez Frías, the mad Venezuelan dictator, announced that he and Raul Castrol agreed at their recent Caribbean Summit to build a road from Venezuela to Havana in Cuba.
Venezuelan contractors are currently bidding for the Caribbean Highway Phase 1 - a tunnel to Greneda. However, it is reported that Cuban workers have already started on the link to Haiti, recently breaking ground under Guantanamo Bay.
The route, an ambitious combination of tunnels and bridges, will take in such idylic Caribbean isles as Barbados, St Lucia, Martinique, Dominica & Guadaloupe - and is expected to do wonders for their tourist industries.
"After that it gets a little tricky," said Chavez, "We can't do Pueto Rico & the US Virgin Islands and Great Britain is none too keen on us passing through the UK Virgin Islands - but we might be able to pursuade Gordon Brown with a little discount on our oil. For the moment we may have to have a ferry service from Montserrat to Santo Domingo."
Asked the purpose of these proposals, Chavez replied, "It is to further the new special relationship we have with Cuba, and then we would just be stepping stones away from Key West giving us access to all the Hispanics and Pouffs in Florida."
"Technically, everything is possible. The Engineers from Ireland who submitted the plans have assured us. We further hope to link the west of Cuba with Cancun in Mexico in a future Phase, giving us a ring of confidence around the Caribbean."
