Arctic Explorer Eats Foot, Saves Jam for Toast

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

image for Arctic Explorer Eats Foot, Saves Jam for Toast
Waslosten's Snow Shelter

Finnish explorer, Jan Waslosten, was lost in the frozen Arctic tundra for more than 40 days while rescue teams from Finland and Norway partnered in the search. It was assumed that Waslosten's homing beacon had died out sometime during the first week, as rescuers began to lose hope of finding a lead as to his whereabouts.

Thanks to the sharp eyes of one rescue specialist on a clear and snow-free morning, a faint trail of smoke was seen over the top of a small mountain ridge 10 miles away. Arriving into a makeshift snow-block igloo, Waslosten was found cooking what looked like bacon over a small propane camper's stove.

Colonel Hans Erkold, who led the search team, greeted Jan with a traditional Finnish Military elbow bump and a synchronized grasp of each other's crotch. Erkold spoke first, "Miten hajallaan?" to which Waslosten replied, "Hyva!" Translated for reporters, it was a query into how Waslosten's manhood was "hanging", with a reply of "good".

At that moment the rescue team doctor noticed blood in the snow, close to Waslosten's feet. As he reached out to tend to the injury, it became clear to the rescue team that Waslosten had been eating his own foot to keep alive. "It makes pretty decent bacon, if you cook it crisp" Waslosten declared, "and I've been saving the toe jam and toenail scrapings for the only piece of bread I have left."

Three members of the rescue team excused themselves to vomit outside, when Waslosten yelled out, "Save that in a bucket, eh? I can make a scramble out of that." The good doctor explained to the sick explorer that he was being rescued and that they would all be leaving together immediately. Waslosten replied, "As long as we're back by supper. I'm making a soup out of the heel".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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