Clinton Goes Cannibalistic After Obama Named Party Nominee

Funny story written by AliceinWonderland238

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

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The New Hillary

Washington D.C. - At the Clinton's Press Meeting, Mrs. Clinton discussed the possibility of the assassination of Barack Obama, Hillary's fierce competitor in the Democratic race for the White House.

"In this day and age a time for revolution is here, the only way forward is through my Presidential Election; therefore I will go to any means necessary to ensure my victory. I am in it to win it America, and by now you should have realized nothing will get in my way-not even some freshmen, Muslim, senator Obama. Therefore, in my new plan entitled The Very Hungry President Clinton I will become a cannibal and tear the very flesh off of Obama's body and eat it."

This disturbing claim was part of Hillary Clinton's speech Saturday in response to Obama's recognition as the Democratic Presidential Candidate Tuesday. "It seems to me that Senator Clinton has indeed become a threat to the Obama campaign, she has made statements that she is ready to roast Senator Obama like some kind of pig then eat him."- An official from the Obama camp told us.

"I am sick and tired of men like Senator Obama ruling the world with their testosterone hormones leading the way. It is time for change America; a time for a women in the White House. I am prepared America to roast Senator Obama like a stake and eat him in order to secure the White House for myself. My supporters are set to grab Senator Obama and prepare him for his roasting so I can properly eat him. No one will stand in my way for the White House, I am in it to win it America and I hope you are with me on this journey."

Mrs. Clinton went on further to state that after devouring Senator Obama she will be willing to eat any voter that would not vote for her after she would be elected President. "I am prepared to take on the challenges of eating every American voter who would not vote for me in November; no number is too great-I'm very hungry for the soulless voters. And for that scumbag McCain, the first day in office I will make him my human sacrifice to the patriarchal system of the past."

When asked if she would take these steps in securing Americans from terrorists, Mrs. Clinton responded - "The only real threat to Americans is Americans; we must kill off anyone who does not support my beliefs in my supremacy in government. The only way forward is through my never-ending leadership. Terrorists from other nations are no threat to Americans; we are an impenetrable force through my leadership."

Supporters of Clinton rallied around her after these comments bowing down in some kind of worship manner offering pieces of themselves as sacrifices for her. Some had signs with "Vote for Hillary or be eaten alive!" and "You can roast in Hell non-Hill's!" The young voter "Hill's man" said to reporters that after the election he is willing to round up any non-Hillary supporters and detain them in torture camps until Mrs. Clinton is ready to eat them.

Non-Hillary supporters from the Obama camp and McCain center both are disgusted at this barbarous act and want immediate action to remove her from the race now. "It is time we remove this want to be Feminist-Nazi now; as a John McCain supporter I call for him to stand up to her and these disturbing remarks and propose he will blow-up America with a nuclear war-head from his Saudi-Arabian friends if this doesn't end. There's no point in America if she will be our leader so I propose death for the nation if she becomes our ruler."- Said a fuming McCain supporter.

Right after hearing the comments by Hillary and injecting himself with heroin, one Obama supporter said he was for the a wrestling match between Obama and Hillary followed by a gruesome "Human Steak Party" or in other words the cooking and eating of the loser.

Clinton ended the press conference on a high note encouraging the suffering poor with these last words: "And when times are for high food and gas prices; I will donate any starving family pieces of human meat from my collection after I become President. It's part of my Anti-Starvation campaign."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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